DykesVision / TV Shows / Bad Girls / Episodes / 2-1: Tug Of Love 2

written by Filbertfox

Episode One - Tug Of Love

Synopsis

Zandra arrives back on the wing and the Julies and Crystal immediatly pounce on her and ask where the baby is, Zandra tells them that Robbie is 'clucking' (detoxing) and Crystal makes her disapproval obvious. Zandra also informs them that her and Robin are back together, she's obviously excited about it but it's plain to see that as far as the Julies are concerned it'll be tears before bedtime.

At dinner, Shell complains to Denny about Fenner's wife believing his explanation about the letter she sent...

Shell: What else do I have to tell the stupid cow? What his dick looks like?
Denny: Why? Is there something funny about it?
Shell: Nah, bleedin' bog-standard!

Denny, acting like Baldrick to Shell's Blackadder, suggests that she takes photos of Fenner at it, Shell, for obvious reasons doesn't think this idea is a goer, but it does give her an idea.

A week or so later and Robbie is finally able to join Zandra in the MBU, she's obviously trying hard to be the perfect mum and proves this by turning down a dealer (evil witch!!) who offers her some smack.

Meanwhile, Shell makes a phone call...

Shell: It's me, I need something sent in. A little present for a dog, geddit? And I mean little!

What on earth is she up to??

Zandra receives a visit from Robin, she expects support, but Robin makes it obvious that he's unhappy about his baby being brought up inside a prison and asks Zandra to consider giving him custody while she's inside. Meanwhile, Zandra notices the dealer who tried to tempt her earlier receiving a new supply from her visitor, Robin notices this too but Zandra is adamant that she's clean... It doesn't stop Bodybag searching Robbie's nappy for contraband before she allows them both back on the MBU though...

Zandra: You want to have a good sniff don't you?
Bodybag: Don't blame me because we can't trust you Plackett!

Oh dear, it definitely looks like the strain is getting to Zan.

Down in the gardens, Denny stages a fight between two inmates to distract the screws attention while a package is thrown over the wall. (Quick point here, notice when Denny checks the time on her watch, it's a 'Tag Heuer', not exactly the cheapest brand of watch in the world...how the bloody hell did someone like her afford one?)...Denny retrieves the package and takes it straight to Shell who opens it immediatly, we then discover that the 'present for a dog' is a mobile phone (give the dog a bone...geddit?). Anyway, Shell decides to get stuck in with the mischief right away and decides to wind Bodybag up...

Bodybag: Hello?
Shell: (Puts on posh telephone voice) Is that Mrs Sylvia Hollamby?
Bodybag: Speaking.
Shell: Hello Mrs Hollamby, my name is Penny and i'm ringing from mail order customer services about your recent order from our catalogue.
Bodybag: What order?
Shell: For a double bed.
Bodybag: What double bed?
Shell: One deluxe double-sized bed, £999.99.
Bodybag: I haven't ordered a double bed.
Shell: It's what it says on my computer.
Bodybag: Look, i'm telling you, I didn't order it, I don't want it!
Shell: Oooh, well it's a bit late to change your mind now Mrs Hollamby, it'll be loaded up in the depot.
Bodybag: I'm not changing my mind, listen to me! I did not order a double bed!
Shell: Oh well, I don't know what to say, leave it with me and i'll try to get to the bottom of it.

Shell and Denny collapse into frantic belly-chuckles as Shell cuts a frantic Bodybag off.

Down in the MBU, Zandra is having problems, Robbie is crying all of the time and she's practically tearing her hair out...so much so, that she eventually succumbs to temptation and scores some smack. However, she soon comes to her senses and tries to give it back to the dealer, the dealer however suspects that Zandra has used some and cut the rest and a fight breaks out...a screaming Zandra is taken away and Robin is called in for a conference with her and Helen...

Helen: What you have to understand Zandra is that a place on the mother and baby unit is a privilege, not a right.
Robin: Why the hell were you fighting?
Zandra: I didn't start it, she was winding me up!
Helen: (To Robin) The other women said that they were fighting about drugs, when a search was conducted in Zandra's cell we found a small supply of heroin.
Robin: What?
Zandra: I said I didn't use it! I didn't want it Robin! (Turns to Helen) I was piss tested clean wasn't I?
Helen: You broke the rules! The other mothers on the unit are up in arms about this, we'd have to segregate Zandra anyway for her own protection. Now the problem is, the law won't allow us to lock a baby into a cell.
Robin: I can't believe you got involved in drugs again!
Zandra: I didn't want to, she pushed them on me! (To Helen) Why don't you tell him Miss that it wasn't my fault?
Helen: Look, there'll be a case conference now, you might have to hand your baby out Zandra.
Zandra: What?
Robin: Well obviously if she can't keep Robbie in here then i'm taking him home with me.
Zandra: No!
Robin: Of course I am Zan!
Zandra: (In tears) But i'm his mother! I want to look after him!
Robin: Well you should've thought about that before.
Zandra: But I didn't do any drugs!
Helen: We all have to think about what's best for the baby, now, if you and Robin don't make your own arrangements...
Robin: No, i've decided.
Zandra: No!
Robin: You've got nothing to give him Zandra! You can't even breast-feed him!
Zandra: That's their fault, if they'd let me stay with him in hospital my milk wouldn't have dried up!
Robin: There's no point in arguing about this, she'll never be a fit mother.
Zandra: You're not taking him Robin! You weren't there with me the whole time I was carrying him, so you can piss off now!
Helen: Okay Zandra. (Turns to officer standing in the corner) You can take her back to the MBU.
Zandra: (As she follows the officer out of the room) You are a shit Robin!
Helen: (To officer) And make sure that there's someone there to stay with her please.
(Turns back to Robin) Maybe this was a mistake.
Robin: No. (Stands up) It's made me realise that i'm doing the right thing, i've already started legal proceedings Miss Stewart, I want sole custody of my son!

Oh dear, things have well and truly gone pear-shaped for Zandra...although you can see Robin's point, it's a bit too late for him to be taking the moral high-ground now, especially as he didn't obviously give a shit about Zandra being pregnant in the first place.

Zandra, alone and desperate and frantic not to lose Robbie, decides that if she can't have him then no-one can and wraps him up in blankets before taking him up on the roof.

The inmates are allowed out for exercise and Zandra calls down to Crystal from the roof...

Zandra: They tried to steal my baby!

Bodybag, as always, shows the caring face of the Prison Service...

Bodybag: You stupid girl! Get back down!

The officers mobilise, Fenner tells Bodybag to call for Helen before he and Dominic set off for the roof, despite the situation, Bodybag is still belly-aching...

Fenner: Get them all banged-up.
Bodybag: (Even though Fenner is off to the roof to put himself in danger) Oh right, give me the easy job!

Bodybag tries to get the inmates back into the building but they're having none of it, all of them shouting up at Zandra to get her down, even Shell gets in on the act...

Shell: Think about your baby you stupid bitch!

It is unfortunate that right at that moment, Stubberfield arrives with Karen Betts in tow and witnesses the whole incident.

Up on the roof, Fenner arrives and tries to talk Zandra down...

Fenner: Zandra, it's okay, I just want to talk to you.
Zandra: I don't want to talk. I JUST WANT TO KEEP MY BABY!

Down in the yard, the other inmates are getting desperate...

Julie J: It's alright Zandra, we'll look after you! We'll get it sorted!
Crystal: Please come down girl!

Sorry to trivialise all this drama for a moment, but spot the superb over-acting from the extras in the background.

Back up on the roof...

Zandra: I know what they'll decide! They'll send him out to his rich, shit dad!
Fenner: Well you're not going to help your case with this sort of caper. (Gets up and moves towards Zandra) Now come on!
Zandra: Get away from me! (Stands up and moves closer to the edge) Get back!
Fenner: Okay, okay.

Down in the yard...

Denny: Zandra!
Nikki: You've got your whole life Zandra!!

(Definitely the line which wins most cringeworthy line of the week, the patented Wade crappy cliche strikes again!)

On the roof...

Fenner: Be fair to your baby, what can you give him in here?
Zandra: The same as I can give him anywhere, I can give him love can't I?
Fenner: Come on, this is silly.

Over on the other side of the roof, daredevil Dom climbs through a skylight and proves he isn't just a pretty face with his plan to catch Zandra in a pincer movement. Meanwhile, Fenner is still quoting from the 'Ladybird Book of How to Handle a Suicidal Prisoner'...

Fenner: Don't kid yourself Zandra, you're not going to jump, not if you really love your baby.

Helen arrives on the scene and immediatly jumps into action...

Helen: I think it's me Zandra's angry with. Isn't that right Zandra? You think i'm on Robin's side?
Zandra: You want them to take Robbie away from me, don't you?
Helen: Okay, i'm going to put myself on the line too Zandra.

Helen climbs out onto the edge of the roof, and down in the yard you can hear Nikki's lower jaw hit the floor with a thump when she sees her beloved inching slowly towards Zandra...

Helen: I tell you what I think about your Robin, I think he's very like my ex-fiance to be honest. He's weak, he's weak Zandra but he's totally sure of himself. Now, he'll use every single advantage that he has to try to get custody of your baby, but he'll only win if you give up the fight.
Zandra: Why do you think i'm up here?
Helen: Because you think you've already lost, you haven't. You'll be out of here next year Zandra, and I promise you, i'll give you all the help I can to protect your rights as Robbie's mother. But first you've got to respect his rights.

In the background, a very nervous Dominic can be seen sneaking up on an oblivious Zandra from behind.

Helen: Now, i'm going to stand up, and I want you to hand him to me.

Oooh, it's nail-biting time for Nikki and the other inmates as they watch Helen and Dominic inching towards Zandra. But finally, baby Robbie is safely in Helen's hands and the inmates cheer.

Down in the yard, Karen Betts becomes mistress of the understatement...

Karen: Phew!

But it's not over up on the roof...

Zandra: I don't want to live without him!

Zandra makes a desperate attempt to fling herself off the roof but is stopped in the nick of time by Dominic who pulls her back onto the roof and holds her as she breaks down.

Later, the inmates are rounded up and taken back to their cells, again, Bodybag and Yvonne lock horns...

Yvonne: Night night Sylvia, wake me up when the bar's open.
Bodybag: (Notices the carpet and curtains in Yvonne's cell) Hold on! What's happened in here?
Yvonne: (Bends down to pick up a few specks of dirt from her patch of carpet) Just a few home improvements miss, not a crime is it?
Bodybag: It will be Atkins if I find out you've been doing deals.
Yvonne: That's alright then. (Leans to within kissing distance and looks Bodybag right in the eye) No chance!

Game Atkins, new balls please!

Later, Nikki awaits Helen in the corridor...

Nikki: Helen! Nice symbolism Shed to show Nikki on the other side of a barred gate, anyway, Helen walks over and asks the obvious question, well, maybe not, the obvious question would be - 'Nikki, why on earth are you wearing that hideous dressing gown? Sean should've burnt that instead of his suit' - but the course of true love never runs smooth and she settles instead for the second most obvious question...

Helen: What are you doing here?

Which is precisely what we were wondering...firstly, how did Nikki get there, and secondly, how did she know that Helen would be emerging from that particular door?

Anyway, Nikki smiles at Helen through the bars...her eyes are those of a woman in love and oh how they give her away...

Nikki: I thought you were absolutely fantastic up on that roof and I'm sorry Helen, I've got to tell you. You're gorgeous, I'm totally in love with you.
Helen: Nikki! (For a moment, it looks like she might reciprocate)
Nikki: There's nothing I can do about it.
Helen: Well I can.

And with that, she walks away leaving Nikki bereft at the gate.

Meanwhile, Shell's decides to give the dog a bone...

Shell: (Putting on butch voice) Hello? Can I speak to Mrs Fenner?

Oooh, and after all that drama, it's probably a good job that it's bedtime...night girls!!!