Episode Six - A Big Mistake

Synopsis

There are some new arrivals at Larkhall, one of them, Jessie Devlin, a chronic alcoholic, is most definitely out of it and has to be led into reception.

In the officer's room...

Fenner: Anyone seen the governor yet?
Bodybag: Is she due back today?
Fenner: Got my fingers crossed she's gone for a career change.
Bodybag: If only.
Fenner: Would you change your mind Dom if Stewart quit?
Bodybag: Perhaps it's for the best, if he feels he can't hack it.
Dominic: (Losing his temper) It's got bugger all to do with hacking it!
Bodybag: If Rachel Hicks hadn't done it here she would've done it somewhere else.
Dominic: You know when I took this job I thought i'd at least give a toss whether someone lived or died!
Bodybag: Like I don't, is that what you mean?
Dominic: Well if the cap fits.
Bodybag: You cheeky...
Fenner: Come on Dominic.
Dominic: What's that supposed to mean Jim?
Fenner: What happened to Rachel wasn't anybody's fault, not yours not mine, not Sylvia's.
Dominic: So we're all happy as long as the money goes into the bank on time? (Leaves the room in disgust).
Bodybag: Oooh! Get Mr Conscience there!

Down in the garden, prepare to slobber as the camera comes to rest on Nikki who is sunbathing on the grass and wearing a pair of green overalls rolled down to her waist and a tight, white vest (obviously they use Persil in Larkhall)...someone pass the smelling salts, I think i'm going to faint!!!!

Just then, Helen saunters into the garden after her holiday, and who does she make a point of speaking to first? You guessed it...

Helen: Hiya Nikki!
Nikki: (Stands up) Miss Stewart!
Helen: How are you?
Nikki: Surviving. How was your holiday?
Helen: I don't know that i'd call it a holiday exactly. 3 weeks struggling with the instructions to flat-packed furniture.
Nikki: No man around to help you?
Helen: Call yourself a feminist? Sean's up to his eyes in work at the moment.
Nikki: Oh.

Helen: The longer we're together the less time we seem to spend with each other. Mind you, I did catch up with a bit of reading, have you read 'Sophie's World'?
Nikki: No, no I haven't.
Helen: Well i've got a copy at home, i'll bring it in.
Nikki: Isn't that against regulations?
Helen: Well I won't tell if you don't. See you around.
Nikki: See ya.

Nikki watches Helen's departure with a roll-up in her mouth and the gooey smile of someone who's just been well and truly flirted with. Careful Helen! Don't want to start giving out the wrong signals, do we?

Back in the officer's room, Fenner and Bodybag are still chuntering, do they ever do any work??...

Bodybag: Well, if Stewart does show her face I might walk out those gates with him.
Fenner: Oh come on Sylvia! You'll be buried here.

...Both of their jaws hit the floor with an audibly thud when Helen Breezes in, seemingly full of the joys of Spring...

Helen: Good morning!
Fenner: Morning.
Bodybag: Morning ma'am.
Helen: So, how did you cope without me? Was everything alright?
Fenner: Everything's runnning smoothly, not one single incident to report.

Helen: Excellent! (Turns to filing cabinet and starts rummaging)
Bodybag: Can I help you ma'am?
Helen: Well someone better had, i'm looking for Nikki Wade's file.
Fenner: Any particular reason?
Nikki: I want to review her sentence plan. When was the last time someone had a look at it?
Bodybag: It's not worth looking at.
Helen: (To Fenner) Listen, i'd like to see all the reports for the last 3 weeks.
Fenner: Even if there's nothing to report? (Sighs) I'll get them to you by Friday.
Helen: Today will be fine. (Leaves the room)

Down in reception, Dominic tries to help an obviously out of it Jessie and takes her to get some clean clothes, Fenner breezes in, clocks Jessie, and reacts with his usual compassion...

Fenner: Looks like she's just been dug up! With any luck they'll keep her on skid row.
Lorna: Yeah, and I'll win the lottery.

An extremely frightened Jessie is taken down to detox. Jessie doesn't want to be left on her own and starts to panic, Dominic tries to comfort her but is attacked and then puked on for his trouble.

Okay, so, you're Dominic, you're pissed off because you have puke all down your shirt and who is the last person you want to run into? The woman you have a thumping great crush on by any chance? Helen.

Dominic makes it clear how sick he is to be working in the job and not being able to make a difference, Helen is very understanding and makes a date with him for a drink. We know that Helen just wants to persuade him to withdraw his resignation, but for Dominic it's like all his Christmases have come at once...awww, bless him!

An unspecified amount of time later, Helen has Nikki in her office...well, not in that way, but you can't help wishful thinking!!...

Helen: You used to run your own business? What did that entail?
Nikki: Hiring, firing.
Helen: And what do you do to keep busy now?
Nikki: Gym, gardening, usual stuff, you know.
Helen: You're not interested in education classes?
Nikki: Well there are only so many macrame plant hangers you need in one lifetime.
Helen: I'm talking about the Open University.

Nikki: Look, in 10 years time, i'll be a 43 year old con with a General Studies degree. Companies will be crying out for that won't they?
Helen: I'd like you to think about it. As a favour to me?
Nikki: Okay, for you.

And we hear the sound of flip-flops as Nikki leaves the room...who, for Christ's sake, had the idea to put TV's sexiest woman lifer in a pair of bloody flip-flops? Well, it obviously hasn't put Helen off, she is left in her office with a rather wistful expression on her face.

A week later, Jessie is taken out of detox and taken up to G-Wing...Lucky Jessie is just in time for fish and chips, served by the ever lovely Shell Dockley...Shell is so nice, she even spits on Jessie's meal as a nice welcome present for her.

Denny arrives for her dinner, Shell, as always, is pleased to see her chief henchwoman and points out the new arrival...Denny looks shocked, very shocked...could it be that she already knows Jessie?

Denny is in a very reflective mood and is in no mood for Shell who seems to have taken a big shine to Jessie...

Shell: She aint touched a thing on her plate. Look at 'er! Old spazzer can't even find her mouth.

Indeed, Jessie seems to be having great difficulty coordinating her fork, her hand and her mouth and drops a load all over the floor...in steps Bodybag...

Bodybag: Pick it up, like a good girl.

Jessie tries to oblige but seems to be having great difficulty in coordinating any part of her anatomy. Bodybag, the old cow, seems to find this very amusing and makes no move to help Jessie. Just then, Helen marches out of the officer's room and helps Jessie up before ordering a flabbergasted Bodybag to get Jessie a cup of tea...By the way, if you look carefully, you should spot a very admiring Nikki in the background.

Later that day in the 4-bed dorm, Shell pays a visit to Denny just as our Zan decides to amend her sleeping arrangements...

Shell: Where are you off to Zan?
Zandra: Getting up on this top bunk is killing me. I mean, a woman in my condition.
Shell: Ere Denny, you could have Zandra's bunk, get you away from the singing nun.
Zandra: I could really handle a fistful of jellies.
Shell: That slag Devlin looks as high as a bleeding kite. Let's pay her a visit.
Zandra: Do you think she's got any smack?
Denny: The woman's a frigging nutcase not a junkie. Just leave her alone, alright? (Leaves the cell)
Zandra: Ooooh! Who slapped her tits?

Shell meanwhile begins to twig that her evil chief henchman might not as be as evil and...er...henchy as she used to be.

Ecky thump! Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs...our Helen turns out to be a pint drinker...

Helen: What? It's a pint, i'm off duty

...Helen seems determined to make Dominic retract his resignation, I wonder if she'll use the patented Helen Stewart 'I know, i'll have a bit of a flirt to get my own way' form of attack...Bingo!!! Our Dom already seems to be changing his mind...I wonder if he'll appease his conscience by telling Helen about Zandra's escape?

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