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written by Margaret Royal

Love, Lies and Voldemort

Episode Recaps

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Episode summary: Aidan and Kendall share tender moments at the hospital; JR and Babe share gross moments in his room; Mary and Adam work out a deal by which they'll help each other out with regard to their respective children's unsavory significant others; Carlos remains unconscious; Tad advises Juan Pablo not to distance himself from Greenlee just for her protection; Greenlee thinks it's 1999, kisses Ryan a lot, and doesn't remember Kendall or Smia; Babe tries to bond with Adam but gets a "see ya" check in return, which Jamie witnesses; Brooke and JR chat; JR is present when Benny comes looking for the cow that Jamie stole for Babe; Carlos and Juan Pablo's secret gets leaked to the press.

Kendall and Aidan have fallen asleep waiting in chairs at the hospital. Inexplicably, she's in a new outfit, whereas he's in the same clothes. She stirs and gives him a kiss on the forehead, which wakes him up, so they kiss sweetly for a few seconds. She warns him not to start what he can't finish and points out Sleeping!Smia over in another set of chairs. Aidan inquires about Greenlee's condition, and Kendall exposits that she's still unconscious. She also, apparently, didn't want to sleep, because she was so happy in Aidan's arms that she forgot all about "car crashes and murder investigations." She wishes they could go away together, and Aidan thinks they should. That's good: let's make Kendall look like she's fleeing a murder investigation, shall we?

JR wakes Babe up with a rose to the face. Hee, that sounds violent, but it's supposed to be romantic. They start talking about Adam, naturally, and Babe tells JR he can't let his father get him down, and that she'll go after Adam herself if he upsets JR She tells him she was "in pieces" when he found her, and she'll always love him for putting her back together. They kiss ickily.

Downstairs, Adam enters the living room or whatever it is and finds Mary Smythe in there with her kleenex. He wants to know where she went last night, since they had a deal for her to help him with JR and Babe. David Canary seems to trip over his lines. Mary exposits that she couldn't be there because of Greenlee's accident and that "that pompous Juan Pablo" accused her, in front of everyone else, of not loving her daughter. Mary cries angrily that JP doesn't know what's in her heart or "how lonely and frightened" she is. Adam pulls her into a hug and thumps her on the back a few times.

Back at the hospital, Maria tells Tad and Juan Pablo that Carlos's condition is stable and that his unconsciousness is normal following a car accident and "surgical trauma." She leaves to answer a page. Tad gives JP some coffee and suggests that he sleep or go take a break, but JP doesn't want to leave Carlos at all except to go check on Greenlee, who's still unconscious, too. Tad assures him that Greens will wake up and pull through and wants to broach another subject: that of their breakup. He tells JP that his "noble" intentions of dumping Greens so as to keep her safe from the Calatravas "just might explode in [his] face."

In Greenlee's room, Ryan lightly strokes her hair and urges her to wake up and lay another kiss on him. Ugh. Her eyelids begin to flutter, then open, she smiles, and she pulls him in for another kiss. Ryan is happy to see her awake, and she's happy to see him, telling him he's "beyond fantastic." Evidently, she thinks they "finally made love" last night. Ryan is dumbfounded. Commercials.

At Brooke's, Jamie quits listening to music and sits up on the couch to regard a jewelry item in his hand: it's a gold chain with a little gold cow pendant. He flashes back to Babe's room at the Pine Cone and running in with the plastic cow sign from Benny's Bar-B-Q. This scene goes on forever, is dumb, and we've already seen it, so I won't recap it, but it ends with them kissing, until Brooke's voice stirs him from his reverie. She tells him his breakfast is ready, but he says he'll just eat later. Isn't he in college? Maybe he'll enroll in "Cereal Preparation 110" next year and pick up some skills. In his distraction, Jamie drops the cow necklace on the floor; Brooke notices, but he snaps it up before she can see what it was. Her cell phone rings, she goes to answer it, and Jamie fondles the cow necklace for one last time before dropping it with little fanfare into a garbage can next to the desk. After recapping tomorrow's (Friday's) episode, I'm starting to think it might be a charm bracelet, not a necklace. But whatever.

Back in JR's bedroom, as Betsy the Plastic Cow looks on, Babe asks JR to tell her how they met. Evidently, she has difficulty forming new memories. Frontal lobe trauma, Babe? JR obliges and tells a story about a foggy stroll on a pier in San Diego that ended with the discovery of Crying!Babe. Babe was "so real and so honest" that JR wanted to be that way, too. Gah. But it doesn't end there: Babe tells him he doesn't have to be anything for anybody, but he says again that she makes him feel as though he can do anything. They kiss again. He says he wants to "show her off" around town, but she's got other plans first. JR's voice grates. The business Babe has to take care of? It's to "make another guy fall in love" with her.

Mary blubbers some more about Greenlee's situation, and Adam can sympathize. Mary wants a chance to make everything up to her daughter, but Greens won't let her, she says. Adam thinks his situation with JR has been made even worse since the arrival of "Miss Dogpatch." Heh. How nasty. They commiserate some more, and Adam offers his assistance with Greens and Juan Pablo if Mary is willing to help him in regard to Babe. She sputters her gratitude and adds that she's already begun to deal with JP and that he should be "feeling the effects" very soon.

Tad tries to explain to Juan Pablo that Greenlee won't appreciate JP's intentions even if she finds them out. "I believe that you are Porthos, Athos, and D'Artagnan all rolled into one," he says, leaving out Aramis, but he thinks that Greens won't necessarily appreciate JP—"a man"—deciding what's best for her. Tad doesn't think JP has a chance if he plans to wait until everything blows over with the Calatravas, then come back to Greenlee and explain himself, looking for forgiveness. He reminds JP that when Greens wakes up, she's going to "want and need [JP] with her," so it won't do either of them any good for him to keep on the DL and come back when the Calatrava drama is all over.

Ryan tells a nurse to get Joe Martin and relay the news that Greenlee's awake; Greens presses him for details about what happened to her. He tells her that she was in a car accident last night, which doesn't make sense to her, because last night, according to her, they were rolling around between the sheets. Ryan's a little nonplussed and tries to escape by going to get Greenlee's "dad," but she grouses that "Roger doesn't give a damn" about her. Ryan comes back to her bedside and asks her if she knows the date. She thinks it's "November something," 1999. Ah, the last time Megan McTavish was shitting all over this show. How convenient. Commercials.

Adam wants to know what Mary's done with regard to Juan Pablo, but she won't tell him yet, much to his annoyance. She reminds him that neither of them really trusts the other one, but that trust will come as they "feel out strengths and weaknesses." They seem to trip over each other's lines, Mary wishes him luck with JR and Babe, and scoots back to the hospital.

Babe and JR troop downstairs, to Adam's surprise; Babe gives Adam a big hug and calls him "Pops." Despite JR's plans, she wants to stay at the house and have breakfast with her father-in-law—"banana pancakes with a side of peanut butter and a great big old glass of cherry cola." Oh, she is so trashy, y'all! That crazy trashy Babe! That breakfast sounds really yummy—minus the cherry coke—in my opinion. JR insists, but Babe refuses, and Adam lies that he couldn't imagine enjoying anything more.

At the hospital, Kendall and Aidan continue to mack (they've been at it a while, haven't they?) but are interrupted by Simone's applause ringing hollowly in the cavernous AMC studio set. Smia are awake; Simone points out that Kendall was too wrapped up in Aidan to notice "King Kong slipping on a banana peel naked." Aidan is grinning at this, hee. They hear a couple of Nurse Randos walking by talking about Dr. Martin and Room 8, so they all get up and run over there.

Ryan wants to go find Joe, but Greenlee insists that he get into bed next to her. He does so gingerly just as the women of Fusion burst through the door and stand there looking flummoxed. Commercials.

Ryan gets out of Greenlee's bed, and Smia zoom in to see Greens. Mia is solicitous; Simone cracks wise about "Lips Lavery" waking her up with a kiss. "Actually, Greenlee kissed me," Ryan announces. Hee, Greenlee doesn't remember any of them and thinks she has no friends—"except Ryan," she purrs drowsily. Rebecca Budig plays zonked really well. Joe Martin arrives, and they all clear out. Outside, Ryan explains to them that Greens is under the impression that it's 1999. "The freaky part is, she still thinks we're hooked up," he says. "You shoulda seen the moves she was puttin' on me." "Uch, you are so full of it Ryan," says Pissed!Kendall. Hee! The text may say one thing, but we all know the subtext: Kendall est jalouse. Jalouse, jalouse, jalouse about her one, true, hospital-bed-occupying love. Anyway, Kendall asserts that Ryan is exploiting Greenlee's memory loss to "put [her]"—that's Kendall, now—"out of business." Hee, what a little Kane.

Juan Pablo sits with Carlos when Maria comes back in. He apologizes for not trusting her abilities earlier and thanks her for saving Carlos's life. Now he prays he can keep his brother safe. Maria knows he was praying for Greenlee, too, and asks if he loves her. He does, JP replies, and is afraid for her to get hurt again by the dangerous, nefarious Calatrava assassination brigade. Maria thinks that if Greens loves him as much as he loves her, it might be equally painful for her not to have him by her side.

Out in the hall, Tad walks past ladders and paint cans as he heads toward the room but stops when he notices something funny. He ensconces himself in a corner out of the main sightline of the hallway and waits as footsteps approach. He grabs the offender—turns out it's Mary Smythe—and asks her what the hell she's doing in a sealed-off ward. "I might ask the same question of you," she defenses.

Back in Chandlerville, Babe sees JR off to his outing with pals and demands "a big one" as a parting gift. They kiss and groan loudly as Adam rolls his eyes. Hee. Adam? Word. "You mean more to me than anything, anyone," JR tells her creepily. "Never forget that." He goes, and Winifred brings in Babe's breakfast. Mmm, I want some. Babe attempts to charm Adam by telling him she knows he's thinking that she doesn't fit in at the Chandler manse, but she thinks that with a little time, she can learn to walk the walk and talk the talk. Adam alerts her to some peanut butter on her chin and tells her she's got no reason to change, because she's "perfectly charming" as she is. This surprises Babe, who thought she was getting "hate vibes" last night. Not at all, says Adam. In fact, he has a present for her. Commercials.

Jamie clomps down the stairs at Brooke's and makes for the front door, but it turns out JR is standing on the other side of it. Hee, Jamie's backpack has totally just been unpacked from the box it came in. Way to go, AMC props. They chat a little, JR gripes about Adam's behavior at dinner last night, and Jamie wonders what he expected; in fact, he thinks JR planned the whole thing to be as agitating to Adam as possible. JR's surprised, and Jamie's still annoyed. JR says that he loves Babe and wants Jamie to love her, too. Brooke comes in. Jamie leaves for class and whatevers to JR's interest in getting together later. Alone with Brooke now, JR wonders if she doesn't disapprove about last night, too. She allows how she was kind of shocked by the proceedings, but that seemed to be the point. JR says again that he loves Babe, and Brooke tells him she's proud of him for getting through his travails the last couple of years and coming back a stronger person. "Babe had a lot to do with that," JR idiots. Yes, I'm sure your three-week romance is what has transformed you into A Man. Brooke says they should come by for dinner, etc. etc., they hug, and the doorbell rings. It's Benny from Benny's Beef and Bun—I guess the name changed since two days ago—and he wants "the no good varmint who stole m'cow."

Babe wants her present, and Adam pulls it out of his breast pocket. It's a check, a big one, judging from Babe's reaction. Thinking it's a wedding gift and that Adam has given her and JR his blessing, she gives him a big hug, but Adam breaks the hug to explain that it's just for her. He suggests her first purchase be a plane ticket. Babe looks confuddled.

Tad yanks Mary around by the wrist and demands to know why she's there. She pretends to be so confused by grief and stress that she doesn't know where she is, but she's not even trying to be convincing, really. Tad brings up her attachment to Adam and the way she's taken over his household. He threatens that she'll "hear from [him]" if she continues to mess with his family—i.e., the JR 'n' Babe situation—and she threatens back that he'll end up on her list. He warns her that Adam is not her friend, that he's using her, and that when he's done with her, he'll throw her away, and he suggests that she leave Pine Valley now before she's further humiliated. Mary gives him a tight smirk and wanders off down the hall. She stops by a big green recycling bin. "Leave? And miss all the fun?" she mutters. "Never." Ah, evil Mary. So good to see you.

In Carlos's room, Maria informs Tad and Juan Pablo that Greenlee's awake, so JP hops up; Tad assures him he'll watch Carlos.

Kendall and Ryan trade barbs; Aidan restrains La Hart, telling her it's neither the time nor the place. Joe comes out to report that Greenlee is fine but is experiencing a temporary "post-traumatic memory loss." She's not to have too many visitors. Hee, Kendall insists that Greens will want to see her—as do Smia—but Joe reports that the only one Greenlee has asked to see is Ryan. Kendall looks crushed.

Inside Greenlee's room, she's upset about her memory loss and wants Ryan to tell her what she's forgotten. She can't remember "those women who say they're my friends" and wonders if she and Ryan are still together. He's sorry but tells her they're not, "not for a long time." Come on, Greens, just memory up, recall that he's a prick, and then we can all move on. Commercials.

Benny's Hokey Bumpkin Bar-B-Q Shack Podunk Cornpone Owner informs Brooke that, "t'other night," a pair of kids stole his cow mascot, and he got the license number of their car, which is registered to her address. Brooke is confused, but Benny wants his cow or $500, or else he'll go to the sheriff. Not the police? Whatever. JR, hearing all this, flashes back to Babe putting the plastic cow on top of an armoire in his bedroom.

Babe thinks Adam's check is for an all-expense-paid honeymoon, but Adam sets her straight: she wants her to get the fuck out of Dodge, basically, and leave JR alone for good. Stunned, Babe looks flushed with anger. Jamie enters and tells Adam to back off Babe.

Edmund enters Carlos's hospital room and shows Tad a National Exposer cover story about Juan Pablo and Carlos entitled "The Prince & the Pauper." I can't read all the type on the front, but it does have the word "family" in it, so, evidently, the Argentine brotherly cat is out of the bag.

Down in the waiting area, Mary practically licks her whiskers as she folds up her own copy of the Exposer and saunters out into the hallway. Aidan and Kendall enter the room as she passes through the doorway, and Kendall suggests to Aidan that now that Greenlee is awake and will recover, now is the perfect time for them to take off on their jaunt, just the two of them. Aidan suggests that before they leave, Kendall should spend time with "the other man in [her] life." "What other man?" says Kendall. "Ryan Lavery," Aidan replies.

Greenlee still wants details about what she's forgotten, but Ryan tells her that a lot can happen in four years. He asserts that just because they're not together doesn't mean that he doesn't care about her. "Do I still care about you?" she wonders. Ryan hopes so. She pulls his head down to her shoulder and closes her eyes as Juan Pablo appears in the window.

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